It’s been a while since I’ve written any sort of blog post, so I thought I would restart with a quick update on my mental health!
I feel like I am being more active in my pursuit of good mental health these days, but perhaps that is because I am feeling better in general? I no longer feel like I can’t make any decisions or have that sensation of being stuck in the quagmire of negativity. I wake most days pretty cheerfully at the moment, and it’s only now that I’ve written it down that I am acknowledging the sweetness of that realisation. It makes such a difference, not greeting each day with the weight of the Black Dog on my shoulders.
I am slowly tackling the areas of my life that need attention – which is all of them! I am focussing on making healthier decisions food wise without limiting myself. I find that the better the mental space I am in, the less I want to binge. I make a conscious effort to eat breakfasts and lunches as opposed to skipping them and then snacking throughout the day and this does make a difference to me. I also have a cake if I want a cake, because I know from bitter experience that denying myself means I crave it all the more and am likely to binge on it and also tends to trigger trips down Disordered Eating memory lane. I am choosing to eat salads for lunch if I am at home, with salmon and feta and avacado in order to stay fuller for longer and as a way to get a lot of my vegetable in take in. All of this makes me feel healthier and more in control of my life.
I am roughly six weeks into actively exercising. The first three/four weeks I tried to get 3 days worth of at least half an hour of exercise in and the last two weeks has seen me up that to five times a week. I love it. I have yet to lose weight but I am enjoying it anyway, so hope to keep that going… and as a result of that I am outside a lot more. This has had the biggest impact, I think. For me, it has been a long road, trying to find the things that truly make me feel good and keep my head clear, but I have always known that being outdoors grounds me and calms me. Being surrounded by nature and having clean blood pumping through my veins is what I’ve needed. Does anyone else feel like exercising clears the old blood out and flushes all the negativity from their system?
Finally, taking care of myself in terms of appearance is definitely helping. I am, at heart, a girl that likes organisation and routine, so I created myself a little timetable. I have one for cleaning, one for exercise and now one for myself. Monday is ‘face’ day, Tuesday is hands, nails and feet, Wednesday is exfoliation day, Thursday is shaving day and Friday is overall maintenance day. I feel less of a disgrace, more presentable and more valuable. I don’t care that I shouldn’t care what I look like and that it shouldn’t impact on my confidence – it does, so I am combatting it.
The next areas I need to tackle are finances, family and future. By future I mean job/career, but I liked the alliteration… I used to be good with my personal finances, but I have let myself get in to a few difficulties since January 2015, so tentatively now but full force after Christmas, I aim to get myself back on track!
All in all, I am pretty proud of myself for riding this out. I still have down days but I can acknowledge them for what they are and I am practising my coping techniques all the time. What has changed? I’m not too sure – several things. Certainly, the passage of time makes the world of difference. This time last year I was a bit of a mess and the year before that I was heading for the steady spiral down into the darkness, so the run up to Christmas this time round is a completely different feel to it. I feel lighter, I feel happy, I feel more capable and the comparison makes it all the more beautiful.